I recently decided to follow my long ago left behind credo to begin finding my passion, my voice, my..well, whatever it's called that gives that spark of creative meaning back to my life. Hey, I should write again! Duh! So I took a year off, and what I realize is that not only have I become less disciplined and purposeful but so has my son Noah.
Last week we fought about having to attend church. Something we do with consistency since he was baptized. He is now closer to 10 than 9 and really has some strong opinions and thoughts about why he shouldn't have to go each Sunday to church school or the service. It used to be enough for me to state with authority,
"because it's what we do. Now get dressed, we leave in 20 minutes." He knows the routine and my feelings and more importantly my beliefs, and that used to be enough. Not anymore. Each weekend its a struggle. More than a struggle some days. And so lately I've been wavering a bit. It is MUCH nicer when I just get up early and head off by myself or with Emily in hand to the 8am service. I can enjoy hearing God's word in a relaxing and serene environment. I come away feeling refreshed and grateful to have left the struggle behind me. But that feeling ends when I come home and Noah has this triumphant smile of, "Ha, I won". Which he sometimes even says.
That feeling of contentment gives way to a nagging pain that I've just helped enlarge the divide between what he wants and what I want for him. I don't know the answer to this problem. But I began where I think all good decisions come from. I began by sharing my concern with my MOPS group and asked for prayers. Prayers for patience, guidance and assurance that by holding firm to my
church on Sundays rule is in my sons best interest. He may not know it now. But I believe. Enough for us both.
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